Bad Meat

 

The A&W was lit with greens, blues and purples while liquids bubbled on display in giant beakers. In a lower roped off area, there was even a Van de Graaff generator sparking quietly to itself with a pillar of burgers underneath it. Strange cutouts of eccentric figures in lab coats decorated the restaurant, making for an atmosphere more like a science centre than a burger joint even with the patties sitting under bell jars. They were introducing another member of the burger family to the lineup – Doctor Litmus. The signature burger of this new character was lab grown meat. 

 

Originally they were going to bury the lede, and promote the sustainable nature of the product rather than the origin. Focus groups suggested that trying to hide it might be more suspicious than trying to embrace it, since the truth would come out soon anyway.

It was a big risk for the brand, and not just for the obvious reasons. Behind the scenes was a drama that would have made a decent movie, and probably would have been already had the main players not been so secretive. Professor Debra Molton and Doctor Fenris Blienk where the main minds behind this new food product, and the illusive process that was the key to mass production of it.

Unfortunately, three years ago, a particular combination of ingredients in a bad batch had a reaction with Doctor Fenris. Ever since, he had been wanting to take down the project and Professor Molton. Most of the attacks so far had been legal proceedings kept quiet and incomprehensible by the technical jargon associated with it.

None of the accusations made much sense, as they all referred to older versions of the food trials that had been discontinued. Despite working on them together Blienk had sought to gain full copyright over the failed production methods for some unknown reason. In the end, Molton got tired of being harassed and gave up her stake in the earlier and now seemingly useless methodologies.

Six months later and Blienk was in the fringe news, attacking the processes that he had won in the earlier claim. He claimed that the meat produced would, under the right conditions, be an unstable organic explosive. A few looked into those assertions and found they were true – to a point. The setup would be rather contrived and not likely to happen outside obscure and deliberate action.

Debra had seen enough from Blienk and worked to get him removed from the company. She had arranged to let him keep most of his stocks, so that he’d be better off not targeting the business. She paid him out in cash instead of kicking up a fuss. That kept his temper at a low simmer for a while.

Fast forward to today, and the A&W. Fenris hadn’t been seen in a while and was strangely quiet as well. If he was going to interrupt things it would be now, so Debra had some discrete security mixed in with the crowd. She personally checked the guest list and found that everyone had passed a quick vetting. Nobody sympathetic to Blienk would be here on any official capacity.

The latter half of the day would be open to the public, but most of the cameras would be gone by then.

As they got setup for the filming, a familiar voice called from the kitchen. “Order 15! Order 15! 5 Doctor Litmus Burgers” It was Fenris, and it seemed like he had something planned. Debra grabbed the order anyway, determined not to let him ruin the day. She motioned for her security to quietly remove him from the building and they did so without causing a fuss. It was almost like he wanted to leave. No matter, she thought, on with the show.

She didn’t want to risk eating the burgers he had prepared, but didn’t want to get rid of them either. Instead, she made a show of doing a lab test on one of the burgers, using the equipment that was laying around the room. Fortunately they had made the stations contain real equipment and chemicals, so the tests she was able to manage weren’t just for show.

She could tell the burgers were a little off, but vaguely familiar somehow. The interviewers were getting a bit tired of the scientist angle and wanted to move along. She had found out as much as she could, and figured they were probably safe. With only a hint of reluctance she grabbed the next burger and took a big bite for the cameras. They were definitely the older style, the kind that Blienk had bought out. They weren’t unpalatable, but not as good as the more recent formulations.

She was sure that he didn’t have any major production lined up, so this must be a custom batch or old stock. After the initial questions she ducked into the kitchen and looked around for the remainder of the inferior burgers. There was a small box in the garbage, with old factory storage labels on it, and the A&W cooks had already opened the real containers. They said the other guy had used up the first box himself while they were doing the display burgers and only had the five left over for the first order.

That was a relief at least, but why go through the trouble of bringing them in if they were just going to be under glass and not eaten? Debra checked in with her security team again.

“Did he have anything on him that seemed unusual?”

“He had a weird remote, but that was all. No weapons or chemicals.”

She was glad the security had thought to check for anything he might use to make trouble, but she wanted answers. Fenris had left them with no clues as to what he might have planned.

“Check all the lab equipment displays, see if anything has a receiver on it. But do it quietly.”

The franchise owner had interrupted her meeting and asked about the signage they had found in the back room. Debra was sure that everything she and her team ordered was out already.

The remaining sign seemed innocuous enough. It matched the mad scientist vibe of the others, showing a small cartoon, and an appropriate slogan to go along with it. This one showed the classic ‘mixing chemicals produces harmless explosion’ trope and the phase “Have a Blast with your New Doctor Litmus Burger!”. The signature on this one was different, and Molton recognized it as Blienk’s.

Suddenly, Debra knew what was planned. She ran out to the main restaurant area and directly toward the Van de Graaff generator. All the chemicals to make the original burgers into explosives were already here, as part of the lab demonstration displays. The final ingredient would be electricity.

The pillar the burgers were resting on started to move up. There was no switch to turn it off, or plug to disconnect. The whole display was behind plexiglass making it impossible to knock the burgers clear before they were zapped. The team was quickly undoing the screws that kept the box together, but wouldn’t be finished in time. The container though, wasn’t airtight, as there was a small window near the top to provide an unobstructed view to the cameras.

Debra grabbed some chemicals from a nearby display and did a quick reaction that produced a lot of water vapour. Putting that on a highchair as close as she could get to the opening she looked around again. As the team pried open the bottom of the display, she did a second reaction that consumed a large volume of nitrogen, making a vacuum. The moist air was sucked in the top and sparks from the generator slowed down and stopped as the humidity dissipated the charge.

The burgers clicked into place at the top of the extended pillar, but there was nothing to set them off. Molton breathed a sigh of relief and turned to face the confused media.

Blienk had just been arrested nearby, as he was still outside, yelling loudly about exploding burgers to anyone who would listen.